I haven’t posted in over a week. And what a strange couple of weeks it has been.
I am back at my partners house after leaving for a few days to get my head straight from weeks of peaking and plummeting.
I completed my CBT a few days ago and now feel I have the information to completely change how I approach situations and how I react to negativity around me in a way that doesn’t trigger my depression. It’s going to take some time, but I am going to do it. I am determined to work extremely hard to make sure I progress mentally.
I have been over-thinking constantly for the past few weeks. It’s been so tiring. My head is like an over crowded train and the end of the track is broken and below the track there is a canyon called Despair. If I don’t stop the thought-train, I’ll end up in the canyon of despair not being able to get out. Hopefully the CBT techniques I have learnt will help me put the breaks on.
I have struggled more with the thoughts of being on my own. I know it isn’t fair to my girlfriend but I can’t help feeling that she would be better off without me. In fact everyone would be better off without my in their lives. To get these thoughts out of my head, or at least stop thinking in this way, I am attempting to adopt my CBT. I didn’t expect it to be easy, but all the self-psychoanalysis is sooooo tiring.