Unconditional Love, warmth and understanding
I don’t want to simply write about how depression is affecting me negatively. You may be surprised that there are some positives to depression. Not living with it or suffering from it, but from the times when there is a glimmer of light.
There are very few things in life that have the weight and power to break me from the monkeys in my head and allow me a moment to be at peace in my mind.
I have spoken about this before, but a constant in my life which gives me real joy is my son. Since as early as I can remember, whenever I am near him, the monkeys are calm. They are chilled possibly sleeping.
When I receive a text from him simply saying “Hi Dad, how are you!”, everything feels right again. He often sends me texts saying that he’s thinking of me and that he loves me and despite how bad things have been that week, day or even month, it doesn’t matter because I have him in my life. My love for him warms my world and the love he has for me makes it even brighter and warmer.
The reason I am writing this post is; he is visiting me today and I am so excited to have him near. He is now a young man of 19 and he has grown up into a lovely, caring, ambitious and strong young man. I couldn’t be more proud to have him in my life.
He is so stable and I can rely on him for anything. He’s become a sounding board when things get me down. He’s always there and his unconditional love sees me through.
As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been completely honest with my son about my depression. The reason is; I wanted him to understand that if I was down, it wasn’t him or anything in particular, it was my monkeys creating chaos and not allowing the corners of my mouth to raise and sending me into a whirlwind of negative feeling.
I felt it was the only way to be. If I had hidden it from him, I would have to explain more when I wasn’t feeling right. Now he just understands and it doesn’t become an over emotional situation. This in-turn stops me from feeling guilty about having the manic monkeys in my head.
I have also explained how the monkeys have had an impact on my life so he understands how serious an illness it can be and what it can do, if untreated and managed.
Now I get texts from him making sure I am happy and that I am loving life. What more could I want from my one and only son? (Rhetorical question)
Another constant throughout my life has been my art. The ability to be able to create anything with a pen and a piece of paper has seen me through the darkest times in my life. To be able to block out all of life’s negativity’s has been the foundation for my slow recovery and has enabled me to tame the monkeys in my head.
Creating doodles has allowed another shot at a new career. Doodling gave me the confidence to pursue a career as an illustrator and is allowing me to create a world of products I can sell and I don’t have to rely on anyone to do it. I don’t have to work in an office and be affected by other people which in turn doesn’t disturb my monkeys. I have found the perfect work solution. All I have to do now, is make it pay.
The third and final thing/person who, on a daily basis, brings a warmth, understanding and unconditional love to my life is my new partner. Over the last few months, since completing my university course, she has been amazing (chicken fried rice – you know who you are!). I couldn’t have completed the final months without her by my side. I don’t always let her in to see the monkeys, but when I do – everything seems so much better. She is currently away in London on a trip with her cousin, and I am missing her like crazy.
What I have discovered from my forty-plus years on this planet is; you don’t need as many people around you, to aid in your happiness, as you think. Just the right ones. And the right ones will be there with you, regardless. They will bring unconditional love, understanding and warmth to every one of your days.