The curse of over-thinking
After spending three weeks dealing with my monkeys and trying to stop them from ruining my life again, I finally managed to get two days with my partner. And it was just what I needed.
Since 2015 she had planned a trip to Paris and London with her cousin from the US. For a few weeks before it actually happened, I had been panicking about having people I didn’t know around me when I was feeling unstable. And slightly stressed about being in the house on my own. When they returned from their trip, I didn’t want to embarrass my partner by hiding myself away while her visitors were around. I was aware that they may think that she’s living with a lunatic.
It turns out I was ok and the monkeys were kind-of behaved. Well, I had a few days where things went manic and they were throwing shit everywhere but I soon calmed them with a conversation with my partner and distracting myself with installing a dishwasher and sorting somethings around the house. My other motive for doing those tasks was knowing that I would be getting a stack of brownie points. 🙂
Anyway, the visit was great. Her family is amazing and I had a blast. What I learnt from the situation was; don’t preempt things too much and don’t over think. It will destroy you and ruin things. You can’t plan for every situation and you certainly can’t plan for every emotion the monkeys in your head are going to go through.
With the help of my anti-depressants, I am able to recognise when my over-thinking is starting to take over and trying to ruin things, and distract myself with tasks and happy thoughts. Obviously this doesn’t work every time but that fact I try means a lot to those around me.