Tag: mental health

When life doesn’t get better

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Today I want to talk about how my life is. I haven’t posted like this for a while because I have been so wrapped up in holding things together.

I have been to m CBT each week for the last four weeks. I am still on my meds. I am still sending my CV out for work and getting nothing back. I am still doodling and creating colouring books in the hope that something will come my way.

The reason I want to create this post is to let you know how I am coping with my depression and all the life changes.

The answer is: not very well. I spend most of my days battling my depression and trying not to call my son asking him to come and rescue me from myself. I battle telling my girlfriend that I want to be on my own and away from … Read the rest

What is depression?

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There have been many great articles written about depression and what it is, but I feel, depression is a different experience and explanation to everyone suffering from, living with and managing it.

Here a few of my own thoughts from today.

It’s taken all my time to crawl upstairs to start writing something and I know that sounds dramatic but I feel very heavy today. Every conversation is a finger twanging the string across my mind.

I just don’t fit anywhere.

I’m getting angry at my own frustration of not being able to participate normally in my own life.

I have moments of blinding light and days of deathly darkness.

Some days I don’t have faith in anything. The more I think the worse I feel everything is completely useless and pointless.

Depression is laying in a sofa carrying an elephant on your chest while a hypnotist is trying to … Read the rest

The curse of over-thinking

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After spending three weeks dealing with my monkeys and trying to stop them from ruining my life again, I finally managed to get two days with my partner. And it was just what I needed.

Since 2015 she had planned a trip to Paris and London with her cousin from the US. For a few weeks before it actually happened, I had been panicking about having people I didn’t know around me when I was feeling unstable. And slightly stressed about being in the house on my own. When they returned from their trip, I didn’t want to embarrass my partner by hiding myself away while her visitors were around. I was aware that they may think that she’s living with a lunatic.

It turns out I was ok and the monkeys were kind-of behaved. Well, I had a few days where things went manic and they were throwing shit … Read the rest