Saturday’s were always the same. Wait for my Dad to let us out of our bedroom, usually after he’d been to the toilet. Go downstairs – quietly. Sit on the sofa in silence, making sure our feet weren’t up on the cushions. Wait for Mum to come downstairs to see if she had a black-eye, I couldn’t look at her if she did – Dad would stare and frown at me. Dad had the bushiest eyebrows in the world, they scared me. Dad scared me.
Dad would sit in his usual chair beside the door to the stairs reading his paper. He was the gatekeeper to all of our nice things in our bedrooms. You see, I couldn’t have toys downstairs, it would make too much of a mess, plus Dad doesn’t like the noise children make. And I couldn’t play upstairs because the noise from the ceiling would disturb … Read the rest
There was a girl. One of five that summer. There had been so many before her, too many in my wavering opinion. It wasn’t my fault, location added to my appeal. I was in the centre of beautiful woodland, picturesque surroundings and it was remote. If we needed privacy, we would certainly get it here. I declare, she was definitely the prettiest of them all. I will never forget her beauty or how her lustrous skin felt as we touched for the first time.
On this particular summer’s morning, she stopped for longer than usual. She stood, silently staring across the unbroken, tranquil surface of the manor’s deepest lake, where I lay.
The morning sun shone across her troubled brow. For a solitary moment, I felt a deeply, undisturbed hope, things would be different this time. Her long blonde hair, flowing, shimmering gold in the dawning sun and refracting only … Read the rest
I want to talk about work and depression.
After I experienced an epic breakdown myself five years ago, I was forced to evaluate my life and career. This wasn’t the first time. In 2001 I had a million-pound company and lost everything to my manic depression. Once again in 2011 I lost everything I had worked hard for to the monkeys in my head. And this year, 2017, I have also had a sense that I could possibly lose everything to them. But, unlike before, this time I am fully aware of the repercussions and want to try an understand why, so I don’t repeat the same situation and I want to break the vicious cycle.
BTW, when I say “love everything”, I mean: lifestyle, money, car, house … etc. Material possessions and some friends. What I didn’t lose was the love from my son, my family and a handful … Read the rest