Unconditional Love, warmth and understanding

I don’t want to simply write about how depression is affecting me negatively. You may be surprised that there are some positives to depression. Not living with it or suffering from it, but from the times when there is a glimmer of light.

There are very few things in life that have the weight and power to break me from the monkeys in my head and allow me a moment to be at peace in my mind.

I have spoken about this before, but a constant in my life which gives me real joy is my son. Since as early as I can remember, whenever I am near him, the monkeys are calm. They are chilled possibly sleeping.

When I receive a text from him simply saying “Hi Dad, how are you!”, everything feels right again. He often sends me texts saying that he’s thinking of me and that he … Read the rest

The monkeys go mad after leaving university

Where to start with this . . . . what a hell of a few months.

There have been so many huge changes in my life recently and it’s kickstarted the depression I thought I had licked.

I’d been managing the monkeys in my head all the way through my course by seeing a lovely councillor who was in residence at our institute. Just being able to talk to someone who wasn’t emotionally involved in my life was a great relief. I could be affected by daily events and not worry, because I knew I could chat about it that week. It wasn’t a continual situation, and wasn’t that regular, but to know that support was there was a great help.

So with this help, my monkeys were calm and when they were raucous and disrupting, I could reach out and talk to someone who had the correct bananas to … Read the rest

The guilt of letting people down

I wanted to write this blog post because it’s something that has been part of my depression for as long as I can remember. I have always carried the guilt of letting people down. Whether is be friends, family, work colleagues or partners.

It begins with me not getting involved in social situations because I don’t know whether my depression is going to a major factor on event day. I can almost guarantee that it’s going to play a part in whether I get to the event, whether I get up for work or make the family event.

The guilt of letting people down was the main reason I was single for over five years. From 2012 to 2017. If you are in a relationship there is an expectation to be social, to get involved in your partners friends circle and to be seen to be strong enough to be … Read the rest

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