A punch in the head
Lately my days are starting very dark indeed.
My interactions with my partner are getting more and more fractured.
Every time something happens I react negatively. Every sound sets me off into an internal rage and silent screaming.
The only resolution I can come up with is walking away. But from what?
I can’t get away from inside my head. I live in a van with my partner and, when we are sharing that space, I can’t exactly get away from her. Especially if it’s late at night.
I have started to literally walk around the van to reset my situation and feel some fresh air on my skin.
I am struggling to feel anything at the moment apart from hurt and upset. I am constantly close to crying and my head is constantly close to exploding.
my partner and I recently moved into a small camper van to save money and to live a simpler life. The irony of it is, the more complicated it has become between my ears.
I punched myself in the head, twice, this morning to feel something. My partner was saying something that made my brain just meltdown and I felt a punch in the head would kickstart it. It didn’t. All it did was hurt. It hurt my head and it hurt my hand.
Along with everything else I am going through, I hope this doesn’t become a personal norm. I have never self-harmed and I don intend to start now.
I don’t even know why I am sharing this post. I suppose I haven’t written in a while, and need to vent.
Anyway, back to my strange and chaotic day.
To the two people who read this …. peace and much love.