What the fuck is wrong with me!?

Well the trip to Samye Ling went well. Apart from my two meltdowns, it was a great weekend.

I’m so focused on everything going wrong that I’m missing all the times that are right. I’m so untrusting that I make life with me almost unbearable. Why would anyone want to be with someone like that. It makes no sense.

I don’t feel right for anyone.

I was supposed to have my CBT yesterday and it was cancelled. Instead of spending a nice day with my partner. It turned into a shit day because I can’t keep my thoughts in check. I’m a fucking moron. And, if fucking autocorrects to ducking one more time, I’m going to pinch my own eye till all I can see is blackness.

My mind is a pile of shit sometimes. And it’s connected to the stupid hole in the front of my face that makes all the bullshit thoughts come out into the world.

I’m done today. I just want to sleep and forget I exist and put my monkeys to sleep for good.

Good night.