Saturday’s were always the same. Wait for my Dad to let us out of our bedroom, usually after he’d been to the toilet. Go downstairs – quietly. Sit on the sofa in silence, making sure our feet weren’t up on the cushions. Wait for Mum to come downstairs to see if she had a black-eye, I couldn’t look at her if she did – Dad would stare and frown at me. Dad had the bushiest eyebrows in the world, they scared me. Dad scared me.
Dad would sit in his usual chair beside the door to the stairs reading his paper. He was the gatekeeper to all of our nice things in our bedrooms. You see, I couldn’t have toys downstairs, it would make too much of a mess, plus Dad doesn’t like the noise children make. And I couldn’t play upstairs because the noise from the ceiling would disturb … Read the rest
THERE HE IS – GET HIM! was all I heard as I walked through the main gates of my school. I looked over at my left shoulder to see Kevin and Dean running as fast as their 13 year old legs could carry them in my direction. I turned in an instance, knowing full-well they were after me, and dug the fronts of my new Reebok trainers into the pavement and started running towards home. Home was only three streets away, down New hill, but it may as well have been on the dark side of the moon. It felt like an eternity from hearing those words to seeing my front door.
As a thirteen year old, I had already experienced more than my fair share of confrontation and violence at school and at home, so a run home from the school bullies was all part of my daily grind. … Read the rest
Life’s first sketch dictates, from our life’s dawning, that we stand alone in an autonomous existence. But time has other organic concepts of our natural place in the cosmos. We seek closeness, yearn for touch and tenderness, take that away and what is left is an emptiness in the ether?
We overhear societies whispers, we are not meant to be alone, you need more friends than your friends, you must not die alone, you need love for your soul to flourish. By life’s meandering pathways and darkest mazes lead us into lonelier moments.
The strangeness of the situation lies in the decision to stay lonely, only ending a 2 year relationship yesterday.
Sad Selfish Sorrow Survive.
Sometimes a kiss is just a kiss.
Loneliness is life’s default state.
A nothingness I yearn to be a something.
A missed lost love is a lonely clock, ticking away time.… Read the rest
My breath is the only sound I hear. I feel desperate to sense the noise of another something. Anything. Preferably a comforting sound. The bark of a dog, the rustling of some trees or maybe children playing. Anything will let me know I am not alone.
The last thing I remember is the taste of the loosely woven fabric, cotton wool I am sure of it. And the sensation of a nice deep sleep, a sleep without dreams. I wake up with a overwhelming sense of calm after a sleep without dreams. My dreams are normally filled with my life’s pressures. Others I have wronged and others I feel are trying to hurt me in some way.
I don’t know how long I have been like this. Time escapes me. Its quite a nice feeling. The pace of now is set by the rhythmic movements of my inner self. My … Read the rest
Bingo was the happiest clown in the circus. He was naturally jolly and always had a smile on his face.
The doors of Bingo’s caravan were thrown open. Flashes of bright white light were being directed into his eyes. Multiple voices were ringing in his ears. ‘BINGO THE CLOWN, GET UP, GET OUTTA BED. YOU ARE UNDER ARREST FOR MURDER’.
‘Wha, what! what’s going on? what!’. Bingo couldn’t believe what was happening. Only seconds before he had been dreaming of dancing in the woods with all of his circus friends as the morning sun shone it’s beautiful rays of fresh daylight through the tree tops onto their playful activities.
Bingo quickly got into his usual clothes – massive green clown shoes, extra large blue trousers, extra stretchy yellow bracers, giant red polka-dot rotating bow-tie, his pink bowler hat with the yellow carnation in its white brim ribbon and he stepped … Read the rest
There was a girl. One of five that summer. There had been so many before her, too many in my wavering opinion. It wasn’t my fault, location added to my appeal. I was in the centre of beautiful woodland, picturesque surroundings and it was remote. If we needed privacy, we would certainly get it here. I declare, she was definitely the prettiest of them all. I will never forget her beauty or how her lustrous skin felt as we touched for the first time.
On this particular summer’s morning, she stopped for longer than usual. She stood, silently staring across the unbroken, tranquil surface of the manor’s deepest lake, where I lay.
The morning sun shone across her troubled brow. For a solitary moment, I felt a deeply, undisturbed hope, things would be different this time. Her long blonde hair, flowing, shimmering gold in the dawning sun and refracting only … Read the rest