Month: October 2017

Owning up to your thoughts

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I’ve had a few confusing and upsetting days of late. The feelings of uselessness and hopelessness have taken over and nearly ruined my days with my girlfriend. I was so upset at a moment, and reacted badly, that I got in the car and drove off for an while. I am struggling with dealing with small, some would say, incidental situations. This is why I am going and have Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT). To help me think about my thoughts (I know that sounds strange) and change how I react to the world around me.

Taking CBT is making me realise that owning your own thoughts and not projecting is the first step to truly changing. That includes owning up to how you are and your depression. And how your thoughts and actions can impact on others.

I now realise that admitting to yourself and others, that you have depression … Read the rest

Today’s daily depressive thoughts

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I’m tired and lost

I don’t know which I am the most

The truth about me … I’m lonely. I always want to be alone. Away from this life, I don’t want to call my own

I can’t connect with anything.

I feel hollow and numb. I very attempt to think sends me tired.

The sound of someone eating, the breath of a loved one, the crash of cutlery, the scrape of a plate sends me cold.

I can’t find the right things to say or do, but when I do it’s the same old shit that’s been in my head for years.

I’ve got stress coming from all sides

It’s all in my mind is all I hear

What does “me” mean? How and when do you know who you truly are?

I am already at a time in my life where I don’t care about what people think … Read the rest

Being genuine and honest

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Being honest and genuine is something, as a creative dealing with depression, I have to deal with on a daily basis.

No just in daily life but with my work.

There are so many creatives out there making a living copying other creatives work and passing it off as their own original work.

There are many fan artists out there making a living copying large companies work, characters, ideas, and passing them off as their own work.

As you can see from my crazy and mad illustrations that I spend all my time making sure my work is original and cannot found anywhere else.

I find it extremely frustrating to see artists like this all over the place, especially when it is so difficult to create something original and make it a success.

This is only a rant, I’m really sorry if it offends but I’m illustrating everyday and every … Read the rest

When life doesn’t get better

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Today I want to talk about how my life is. I haven’t posted like this for a while because I have been so wrapped up in holding things together.

I have been to m CBT each week for the last four weeks. I am still on my meds. I am still sending my CV out for work and getting nothing back. I am still doodling and creating colouring books in the hope that something will come my way.

The reason I want to create this post is to let you know how I am coping with my depression and all the life changes.

The answer is: not very well. I spend most of my days battling my depression and trying not to call my son asking him to come and rescue me from myself. I battle telling my girlfriend that I want to be on my own and away from … Read the rest

Living a normal life with the monkeys

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In a world where everyone seems to want a voice, wants to be a YouTube star or a successful world-renowned artist, what it normal!?

The dictionary definition is:

normal
ˈnɔːm(ə)l/Submit
adjective
1.
conforming to a standard; usual, typical, or expected.
“it’s quite normal for puppies to bolt their food”
synonyms: usual, standard, typical, stock, common, ordinary, customary, conventional, habitual, accustomed, expected, wonted, everyday, regular, routine, day-to-day, daily, established, settled, set, fixed, traditional, quotidian, prevailing More

It was a rhetorical question in the beginning, but I think it’s worth asking. My personal explanation is; there’s no such thing as normal. Everyone has their own filter. Their own life experiences which they filter the world around them with. If you’ve got monkeys in your head, as I have, it’s adds a whole other complex dimension to that filter.

If you’ve had a tough childhood, been bullied at all or have any kind … Read the rest